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Short jokes

"Mary," said the mistress, "did you ask every one for cards to-day, as I told you, when they called?"

"Yes'm. One fellow he wouldn't give me no card, but I swiped his hat an' shoved him off th' steps. Here's his name on th' sweat band."

*         *         *

"He proposed to me last night, mother. What shall I do?"

"But, my dear daughter, you've only known him three weeks."

"I know that, mother, but on the other hand if I delay in accepting him he might find out some things about me he won't like, too."

*         *         *

"Would you marry a man to reform him?"

"What does he do?"

"He drinks."

"Marry him, girlie, and find out where he gets it. We need him badly in our set."

*         *         *

"I would like to have a globe of the earth."

"What size, madam?"

"Life-size, of course."

*         *         *

Wife: "George, is that you?"

George: "Why certainly! Who else you 'shpecting at this timernight?"

*         *         *

She (tenderly): "And are mine the only lips you have kissed?"

He: "Yes, and they are the sweetest of all."

*         *         *

Jazz: "My girl told me she weighed 120 the other night."

Beau: "Stripped?"

Jazz: "Yeh; she was in an evening gown."

*         *         *

Mrs. Newlywed (on her first day's shopping): "I[Pg 362] want two pieces of steak and—and about half a pint of gravy."

*         *         *

Farmer: "Would you like to buy a jug of cider?"

Tourist: "Well—er—is it ambitious and willing to work?"

*         *         *

Papa: "Why did you permit young Gaybird to kiss you in the parlor last night?"

Daughter: "Because I was afraid he'd catch cold in the hall."

*         *         *

"It was a case of love at first sight when I met Jack."

"Then why didn't you marry him?"

"I met him again so often."

*         *         *

Interviewer: "What sort of girls make the best show-girls?"

Stage Manager: "Those who have the most to show, of course."

*         *         *

She: "What do you mean by kissing me? What do you mean?"

He: "Er—er—nothing."

She: "Then don't you dare do it again. I won't have any man kissing me unless he means business, d'ye hear?"

*         *         *

Foreman: "'Ow is it that little feller always carries two planks to your one?"

Laborer: "'Cos 'e's too blinkin' lazy to go back fer the other one."

*         *         *

Lady (in box): "Can you look over my shoulders?"

Sailor: "I've just been looking over both of them, an' by gosh they are great."

*         *         *

"How times have changed!"


"Imagine Rosa Bonheur painting a flock of Ford tractors."

*         *         *

Sailor Bill: "These New York gals seem to be wearin' sort o' light canvas."

Sailor Dan: "Yes—you seldom see a full-rigged skirt, or anything."

*         *         *

Tramp: "Would you please 'elp a pore man whose wife is out o' work?"

*         *         *

"I 'ear your 'usband 'as turned Bolshie."

"Well, not absolootly; but 'e 'as a lenin' that way."

2D animation tricks

My best ideas come to me early in the day, before I’ve actually gotten out of bed. That is when I’m in that non sleep world, but not entirely awake either. This twilight world is a perfect place for coming up with clear and original ideas. (Although, unless you write them down immediately, they don’t stay clear for long, and you usually forget them when you’re up and about!) I find that keeping an ideas book next to my bed can work well for these circumstances. You can just scrawl your thoughts down in a few words, keeping your eyes closed if you like, so that you get enough of the thoughts and impressions down before full consciousness eventually obliterates them. I use that technique for problem solving too. Sometimes I’ve worked and worried about a challenge all day, only to go to bed having not resolved it. However, almost miraculously, when going to bed with an expectation of the solution or idea being with me in the morning, it more often th

Stabilization, Color Fixes, Cropping, and Rotating easy in iMovie ’09

Not every piece of video needs fancy effects. In fact, most video is probably better without a Dream filter and Picture-in-Picture. The unadulterated stuff straight from your camera usually looks best. In fact, if your footage needs any help at all, it’s probably in the cameraman department. Don’t take this personally. Handheld shots, the most common kind of home video, are notoriously unstable, and that’s an instant giveaway that you’re an amateur. You can have the hands of a surgeon and still end up with shaky footage. This is true even with all the newfangled image stabilization technology that comes in the latest cameras. Don’t give up (and don’t resort to carrying a tripod everywhere). iMovie ’09 can stabilize your video after the fact, using one of its most amazing new features. That’s not the only way iMovie can fix your footage, either. The Video Adjustments panel lets you make slight or gigantic changes to the brightness, contrast, white balance, saturation, and other image qualities of any clip. For example, if a shot looks too dark and murky, you can bring details out of the shadows without blowing out the highlights. If the snow in a skiing shot looks too bluish, you can de-blue it. If the colors don’t pop quite enough in the prize-winning soccer goal shot, you can boost their saturation levels.

Creating Bootable Movie Images

After you have the video content you want to make into a bootable movie, you need to create an ISO image to later burn to a CD or DVD. You do that with the mkmovixiso command. Here’s an example: # mkmovixiso -t “2005 Vacation” -o movix_vacation.iso movie.avi Your iso image is now in “/home/user/movix/movix_vacation.iso You can safely delete temporary directory /tmp/movix-110602496 In this example, the video content is named movie.avi in the current directory. You can add as many AVI files as will fit on the medium (they will play one after the other, by default). The title (2005 Vacation in this case) is entered after the -t option and is used as the Volume ID tag on the image. The title must be less than 32 characters. The name of the ISO image file follows the -o option (in this case, movix_vacation.iso). The ISO image is created here using many default options. You can see a complete list of options by typing mkmovixiso -h.

Installing Linux and eMoviX Software

To build bootable movies from the descriptions in this chapter, you need to have a basic Linux system and the eMoviX software included on the Linux Toys II CD. The following bullet items describe what software to install to complete this procedure. Install Linux—To create bootable movies, I used Fedora Core 4 as my operating system. If you have Fedora Core 4 installed (as described in Appendix C), you can install the RPM packages made for this project. If you are trying the project from another Linux system, you should install the software for this project from tarballs. Both sets ofsoftware are included on the Linux Toys II CD.

Testing Your Paperclip Antenna

Mounting and Testing Your Paperclip Antenna
Now let’s take this baby out for a spin!
1. After you have soldered the pigtail to the antenna and secured it with tape, connect the pigtail to your wireless card.
2. Mount the antenna and try it out.
3. If you have glued a clothespin or clamp to the wooden platform, you can clip it to various objects, so that the antenna itself is either vertically or horizontally polarized.
4. Position and aim the antenna in search of the strongest signal.
5. Observe (and learn about) the link quality differences with the antenna in each position.

Wireless networking software should come with some program or component used to measure signal strength on your computer. In Windows XP, the Wireless Network Connection Status dialog displays a Signal Strength bar graph. The more green bars that light up in the display, the stronger the signal.

Photographer Technique

Many sports are about confrontation and in-yourface aggression. Shots of competitors involved in face-offs can make great visuals. Similarly, athletes or coaches vehemently disputing an umpire’s decision are good photographic material.These images might depict the less noble aspects of sports, including things such as bad sportsmanship and temper tantrums, but some confrontation shots can be humorous.Who could suppress a grin at a photograph of an irate Little Leaguer glaring up at the umpire with a “How can you call that out?” expression on his or her face? Look for the shots that epitomize camaraderie and encouragement. The coach with an arm around the athlete’s shoulder, giving words of advice or encouragement; players in a huddle, listening to their captain’s final instructions prior to a game; a Little League coach having a heart-to-heart with a youngster about to go to bat.

Mounting an Antenna

Step 1: Preparing Your Wire Prongs
Each radio frequency has a specific wavelength. To function as an antenna, the dipole loop has
to be half the length of that wavelength. Take your needle-nosed pliers and carefully straighten four large paper clips.

Step 2: Preparing Your Antenna Platform
Carefully mark on the wooden platform the five places where the wires of your antenna will be
passing through. See Figure 2-14 for hole spacing for the paperclips. This design is optimally tuned for reception on Wi-Fi Channel 6 (the approximate middle of the frequency band). It will also work on the other Wi-Fi channels. But if you really want to get peak frequencies, paperclip length and distance apart from each other will differ for each channel. Using your hand drill, drill the five holes using a drill bit slightly smaller than the paperclip wires. Platform can
be any length 5.15 cm 5.2 cm 5.35 cm 5.8 cm

Step 3: Creating Your Dipole
Take the longest wire (the one that is 4.52 inches long) and form it to match the template in
Figure 2-15. This template is printed to scale. After bending the paperclip as described here,
lay it on top of this diagram to ensure the correct dimensions
Take your needle-nosed pliers and make a line on the nose at the point where it is 0.16 inches
(4 mm) thick. Clamp the largest wire with the pliers and make a bend that starts 1.3 inches
from one end,. Slowly wrap the paper clip wire around the needle nose, creating a fishhook that
is 0.16 inches wide (4 mm). Carefully press the longest end of the fishhook through the first appropriate hole on your platform.Work the wire into the hole, until the second end comes up to its appropriate hole. Be careful not to snip off the smaller end of the pigtail, which needs to be attached to your laptop wireless card. Strip off about three-fourths of the outer insulating jacket and the inner dielectric insulation surrounding the core conductor. You will need about 1/4 inch of the central core free, to create a soldered connection to one end of the dipole. And you will twist about 3/4 inch of the outer shield into a tight coil in order to solder it to the other end of the dipole.
Step 5: Soldering the Pigtail to the Dipole
Put the bent paperclip dipole in a stable grip, either in a small tabletop vice, or in a pair of vise grips. Don’t touch the paperclip or the solder iron while you work on this, both will be very hot. Be sure to wear eye protection because splattering solder can cause serious eye damage. Also, the solder resin causes some fumes that can damage your lungs, so make sure your workspace is ventilated to avoid any unhealthy buildup of vapors. Carefully solder the core conductor and the shield to either end of the bent dipole radiator Both sides of the paperclip need to be soldered to the pigtail, but they must not touch each other or the antenna will be useless. When you choose a mounting platform, plan ahead to prevent the ends from touching.
Step 6: Securing the Pigtail
Run the pigtail cable alongside the wooden platform (as shown in Figure 2-20). Use small
drops of glue or some tape to fix the first inch of insulation firmly to the wooden platform. Zip ties or plastic bundle-ties also work great. Just don’t use anything made of metal or antenna
characteristics could change. Do not use metal twist-ties to secure the pigtail. Twist-ties are often used to bundle cables together in consumer electronics, especially with wireless networking gear. The metal inside the twist-tie may adversely affect the antenna properties. Use a nonconducting
plastic or glue for best results. This will guarantee that the fragile soldered connections do not need to bear the weight of the antenna, and will help prevent breakage when the antenna is moved relative to the laptop.
Step 7: Inserting the Antenna Elements
Insert the remaining three wires in their appropriate locations as “elements.” The prongs
don’t need to be centered on the platform, but it is best to center them in relationship to
each other. Touch each wire with a drop of glue where it passes through the platform, just to hold

the wires in place.

Real Quick Tips

X-FILES FANS! Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by simply drinking two bottles of vodka. The following morning you will invariably wake up in a strange place, having had your memory mysteriously "erased".
IF YOU WIN THE LOTTERY... Buy up every ticket for each night Garth Brooks plays his local gigs. Then stand in the middle of the field, wait for the big turd to finish his first song, then shout "YOU'RE SHIT!" and walk out.

The second night would involve the same thing - after the first song simply shout "YOU'RE STILL SHIT!" and walk out. 
CLAIRVOYANTS! Instead of booking expensive TV commercials asking people to ring you looking for their horoscopes, show your customers what you're made of by calling them *just* before they pick up the phone.
JUDGES! Have a bit of harmless fun with the accused when giving judgment - take out a black hanky and put it on your head.
CINEMA-GOERS! Save your time and money by not going to see the Blair Witch Project. Instead, fill a large plastic bag with dry leaves. Then shake the bag while the light is switched off.
AIRCRAFT MANUFACTURERS! Why not consider using the material used in the Black Box for the whole plane.
POLICE! Arrest that man out walking his dog. He has come across too many dead bodies for our liking.
RESTAURANT CUSTOMERS! Tie a tablecloth around your neck and tell the waiter "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"
PARANOID X-FILE FANS! Make guests believe your flat might be bugged by running your hands under the tables and inside lampshades, then turning on the shower every time you want to speak.
BIG MAC EATERS! Transform your garage into a drive-in McDonalds. Simply sit in your car, lower your window and demand that your wife/girlfriend/little sister brings you a cup of coffee, on roller skates.
HOME OWNERS! Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on December 26th. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.
TROUBLE WITH NOSY NEIGHBORS? Convince them that you've just invented a 'SHRINKING' device.

Simply ruffle up your hair, wear a white lab coat and park a bulldozer outside your house for a few days.
Then dim and flicker the lights in your house during the night and secretly replace the bulldozer with a small Dinky/Tonka toy of the same description.
Just watch their faces in the morning!

Short Cool jokes

A popular Oklahoma City salesman recently married, and was accompanied by his wife as he entered the dining-room of a Texas hotel famed for its excellent cuisine. His order was served promptly, but the fried chicken he had been telling his wife so much about was not in evidence.

"Where is my chicken?" he asked somewhat irritably.

The dusky waiter, leaning over and bringing his mouth in close proximity to the salesman's ear, replied:

"Ef youse mean de li'l gal with blue eyes an' fluffy hair, she doan' wo'k heah no mo'."

*         *         *

"Do you really believe in heredity?"

"Most certainly I do. That is how I came into all my money."

*         *         *

An attorney of Los Angeles advertised for a chauffeur. Some twenty-odd responded and were being questioned as to qualifications, efficiency, and whether married or single. Finally, turning to a negro chap, he said:

"How about you, George, are you married?"

Quickly the negro responded: "Naw-sir, boss, naw-sir. Ah makes mah own livin'."

*         *         *

A boy and his mother were taking in the circus. Looking at the hippopotamus, he said: "Ma, ain't that the ugliest damn thing you ever saw?"

"Bill," said his ma, "didn't I tell you never to say 'ain't.'"

*         *         *

"Vell, Ikey, my poy," said Sol to his son, "I've made my vill and left it all to you."

"That's very good of you, father," remarked Ike, eyeing him suspiciously. "But, bless you, it cost a lot of money for the lawyer and fees and things!"

"Vell?" said Ike more suspiciously. "Vell, it ain't fair I should pay all dot, is it? So I'll shust take it off from your next month's salary."

*         *         *

Mr. McNab (after having his lease read over to him): "I will not sign that; I have na' been able tae keep Ten  Commandments for a
mansion in Heaven, an' I'm no' gaun tae tackle about a hundred for twa rooms in the High Street."

*         *         *

"Come, Dorothy," said her father impatiently, "throw your doll on the bed and hurry or we shall be late."

"Daddy, how can you?" reproved the child. "I isn't' that kind of a muvver."

*         *         *

"You say you doted on your last mistress?"

"Yes, mum. I certainly did."

"Then why did you leave her?"

"We couldn't continue to be friends on my wages, mum."

*         *         *

"What's the matter with Smith? Got lumbago or spinal curvature or something?"

"No; he has to walk that way to fit some shirts his wife made for him."

*         *         *

"James, have you whispered to-day without permission?"

"Only wunst."

"Leroy, should James have said wunst?"

"No'm; he should have said twict."

*         *         *

"It appears to be your record, Mary," said the magistrate, "that you have already been convicted thirty-five times of stealing."

"I guess that's right, your honor," answered Mary. "No woman is perfect."

*         *         *

"That you, dearie? I'm detained at the office on very important business and I may not be home until late. Don't sit up for me."

"I won't, dearie. You'll come home as early as you can, won't you? And John, dear——"

"Yes; what is it?"

"Please don't draw to any inside straights."

*         *         *

The City Nephew: "I'm glad to see Aunt Hetty dresses her hair sensibly instead of wearing those silly puffs over the ears."

Uncle Talltimber: "She tried 'em once an' they got tangled up with the telephone receiver an' she missed more'n half the gossip goin' on over our twenty-party line."

*         *         *

"Ethel," said the bishop, "you seem to be a bright little girl; can you repeat a verse from the Bible?"

"I'll say I can."

"Well, my dear, let us have it."

"The Lord is my shepherd—I should worry."

*         *         *

Wishing to give his Scotch steward a treat a man invited him to London, and on the night after his arrival took him to a hotel to dine. During the early part of the dinner the steward was noticed to help himself very liberally to the champagne, glass after glass of the wine disappearing. Still he seemed very downhearted and morose. Presently he was heard to remark, "Well, I hope they'll not be very long wi' the whisky, as I dinna get on verra weel wi' these mineral waters."

Building the Paperclip Antenna – Very simple

Building the antenna is a seven-step process, as follows:
1. Prepare the antenna elements
2. Get the mounting platform ready
3. Create the driving element or dipole
4. Prepare the pigtail
5. Attach the pigtail to your new antenna
6. Secure the pigtail
7. Insert the last few elements into the antenna
Note that the rounded paperclip is the actual driven element of the antenna. That is, it’s the wire getting the radio signal from the wireless card. The other paperclips (pieces 1, 2, and 4) shape the beam to make it more directional.

Mississippi town Joke

Two negroes were working in a coal-bin in a Mississippi town, one down in the bin throwing out the coal and the other wielding a shovel. The one inside picked up a large lump and heaving it carelessly into the air, struck the other a resounding blow on the head.

As soon as the victim had recovered from his momentary daze he walked over to the edge of the bin and, peering down at his mate, said:

"Nigger, how come you don't watch where you throws dat coal? You done hit me smack on de haid."

The other one looked surprised.

"Did I hit you?"

"You sho' did," came the answer. "And I jes' wants to tell you, I've been promising the debil a man a long time, and you certainly does resemble my promise."

Cheap Cable Testing

When a transmission problem arises in a Wi-Fi system, the first place to look is at the cables and connectors. Connectors generally take the most physical stress in a system, and also can be the first piece to break down while operating in poor conditions. The middle of the cable or the inside of an antenna is less likely to sustain damage if stressed when compared to the cable ends and connectors. This is where simple cable testing can be of great value to troubleshoot a system.To check for continuity and for shorts, use the ohm-meter function on a multimeter.Test the entire lengthof the cable through each connector.
1. Check for continuity from center pin to center pin. This should be a short or zero ohms.
2. Check from connector body to connector body. This should be a short or zero ohms.
3. Check from center pin to connector body. This should be open or infinite ohms.
Often when you’re testing a cable, it’s already installed on-site, which limits access to the cable
ends. To get around this, disconnect both ends of the cable and short the center pin to the connector body on one end only. Then measure resistance of the pin to the body on the other end. The resistance should still be zero ohms (or very close). For the unlimited budget, products like a time domain reflectometer (TDR), spectrum analyzer, RF Power meter, and network analyzer can be used to test entire transmission systems, including the cable. These usually cost several thousand dollars to buy and hundreds to rent. If the connector is presumed bad, replacing it is often much less costly than extensive testing. And very often, the only way to fix a bad connector is to replace it and start over.

Stabilization, Color Fixes, Cropping, and Rotating easy in iMovie ’09

Not every piece of video needs fancy effects. In fact, most video is probably better without a Dream filter and Picture-in-Picture. The unadulterated stuff straight from your camera usually looks best. In fact, if your footage needs any help at all, it’s probably in the cameraman department. Don’t take this personally. Handheld shots, the most common kind of home video, are notoriously unstable, and that’s an instant giveaway that you’re an amateur. You can have the hands of a surgeon and still end up with shaky footage. This is true even with all the newfangled image stabilization technology that comes in the latest cameras. Don’t give up (and don’t resort to carrying a tripod everywhere). iMovie ’09 can stabilize your video after the fact, using one of its most amazing new features. That’s not the only way iMovie can fix your footage, either. The Video Adjustments panel lets you make slight or gigantic changes to the brightness, contrast, white balance, saturation, and other image qualities of any clip. For example, if a shot looks too dark and murky, you can bring details out of the shadows without blowing out the highlights. If the snow in a skiing shot looks too bluish, you can de-blue it. If the colors don’t pop quite enough in the prize-winning soccer goal shot, you can boost their saturation levels.

Adjusting the photo Levels

If the mountains of your graph seem to cover all the territory from left to right, you already have a roughly even distribution of dark and light tones in your picture, so you’re probably in good shape. But if the graph comes up short on either the left (darks) or the right (lights) side of the histogram, you may want to make an adjustment. To do so, drag the right or left pointer on the Levels slider inward, toward the base of the mountain. If you’re moving the right indicator inward, for example, you’ll notice that the whites become brighter, but the dark areas stay pretty much the same. If you drag the left indicator inward, the dark tones change, but the highlights remain steady Once you’ve massaged the Exposure and Levels controls, the overall exposure for a clip usually looks pretty good. In effect, you’ve managed to create a full range of tones from dark to light.

Little Story Joke

Her side of the story:

He was in an odd mood when I got to the pub, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it.
The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately.
We went to this restaurant and he was still acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no.
But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in  the cab on the way back to his flat, I said I loved him and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know he doesn't say it back or anything.
We finally get back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me!
So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV.
Reluctantly, I said I was going to bed. Then after about 10
minutes, he Joined me in bed and we had sex.

But he still seemed really distracted,so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep.
I dunno, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else???

His side of the story:

Yankees lost. Tired. Bit drunk. Got laid though.

Measuring Performance of Antenna - simple work

Step 1: Measuring the Distance to the Opening
As mentioned earlier, measuring the distance to the opening is critical to the operation and efficiency of the antenna. The old saying “measure twice and cut once” is also true here. But
instead, remember to “measure twice and drill once.” When you measure this distance, disregard the bottom lip of the can. This crimped edge of the can has no influence on the interior workings of the waveguide. You are only interested in the bottom material of the can, which becomes the back of your can antenna.
Step 2: Starting Small
There are several ways to get the hole for the N-Connector the right size. The method you use
is up to you. The final hole should be the diameter of the N-Connector stem.
In one method you can drill a small hole and work your way up to the desired hole size.
Another method, which is more time-consuming, is to use a nail to make the initial of the can. The can should stay completely round.
Step 3: Preparing for the Connector
There are different types of N-Connectors that you can use for this project. The type does not really matter. As you can see from Figure 3-8, our connector had four screw holes (one at each corner). The best way to ensure that the connector is installed properly is to insert it into the opening you created in Step 2, line it up, and mark out the holes for the four mounting screws. Once this is done, you can drill them with a drill of the same diameter as the mounting screws.
Step 4: Finishing the Hole
The final step in preparing the N-Connector hole is cleaning it. Using a small file, make sure that there are no edges or burrs around the openings. This will ensure a tight fit when the connector is inserted and connected to the coffee can.


It was the usual domestic storm.

"Oh, dear! oh, dear!" moaned wifey in tears. "I wish I'd taken poor mother's advice, and never married you!"

Hubby, the strong, silent man, swung round on her quickly, and at last found voice.

"Did your mother try to stop you marrying me?" he demanded.

Wifey nodded violently.

A look of deep remorse crossed hubby's face.

"Great Scott," he cried, in broken tones, "how I wronged that woman!"

Build a cable yourself for Wi-Fi

With the right set of tools, building a cable is a step-by-step process:
1. Prepare the cable
2. Slide the crimp ring onto the cable
3. Strip off the outer jacket
4. Pull back the inner shield
5. Strip the dielectric foam core
6. Remove any shorting material on the foam core
7. Cut the center conductor to correct size
8. Place the center pin onto the center conductor
9. Crimp the center pin
10. Place the connecter body onto the cable
11. Replace shield over the connector body
12. Place the crimp ring over the shield and connector body
13. Crimp the crimp ring
14. Inspect your finished product

Too smart joke

A Chinaman entered a jeweller's in Liverpool and asked to be shown some "welly good watches." The proprietor, a Jew, being absent, the prospective customer was attended to by his daughter, who got out three watches, marked respectively £5, £4, and £3 10s., and laid them in a row on the counter.

The Chink, after looking very closely at them, called the attention of the Jewess to a watch on a shelf behind her; as she turned to obtain the watch he placed the higher-priced watch, in the place of the lower-priced one, and, not caring for the watch now shown him, said: "Me no likee that; I takee cheapee watch," paid £3 10s., and departed.

Soon the girl discovered the deception, and told her father on his return.

"Never mind, my tear," said he, with a smile; "dose vatches cost all de same brice—two pound; but vat a scoundrel dat Chinaman must be!"


A small boy was playing with an iron hoop in the street, when suddenly it bounced through the railings and broke the kitchen window of one of the areas. The lady of the house waited with anger in her eyes for the appearance of the hoop's owner. He arrived.

"Please, I've broken your window," he said, "and father's come to mend it."

Sure enough the boy was followed by a man, who at once set to work, while the boy, taking his hoop, ran off. The window finished, the man said:

"That'll be three shillings, mum."

"Three shillings!" gasped the woman. "But your son broke it. The little fellow with the hoop. You're his father, aren't you?"

The man shook his head.

"Never seen him before," he said. "He came round to my place and said his mother wanted her window mended. You're his mother, aren't you?"

And the good woman could only shake her head; for once words failed her.

Measuring Line Loss in Decibels

The concept of decibel measurement, or dB, is covered more in Chapter 2. But for now, it’s easy to think of it as the higher the number, the stronger the signal. Remember that negative numbers descend as they get higher. Transmission line loss is represented as negative dB. Wi-Fi radio transceiver effectiveness is described as a measurement of power output and receive sensitivity. Generally, these two measurements are expressed as power in milliwatts (expressedas mW, meaning 1/1000 of a watt) or as “dBm” (decibels related to 1 mW). Decibel measurement can be confusing. But there are two key concepts to make this easy to understand:
_ Decibels are relationship-oriented
_ Decibels double by threes
Relationship-oriented means that there is no set value for a dB. The trailing letter in a dB measurement defines the relationship. For example, dBm means decibels related to 1 mW of power. 1 dBm equals 1 mW.When you know the value of the relationship, decibels are easy to calculate. Doubling by threes is due to the logarithmic nature of RF energy. When comparing a signal of 1 dBm (1 mW) to a signal of 3 dBm (2 mW) you see that it’s double the power. This doubling nature of power measurement or line loss makes it easy to see how a cable can quickly reduce the RF signal to almost nothing.


The editor of the local paper was unable to secure advertising from one of the business men of the town, who asserted stoutly that he himself never read ads., and didn't believe anyone else did.

"Will you advertise if I can convince you that folks read the ads.?" the editor asked.

"If you can show me!" was the sarcastic answer. "But you can't."

In the next issue of the paper, the editor ran a line of small type in an obscure corner. It read:

"What is Jenkins going to do about it?"

The business man, Jenkins, hastened to seek out the editor next day. He admitted that he was being pestered out of his wits by the curious. He agreed to stand by the editor's explanation in the forthcoming issue, and this was:

"Jenkins is going to advertise, of course."

Having once advertised, Jenkins advertises still.

Preparing the Can Antenna

It’s time to get the can ready to be converted into a directional antenna. You can do this in two
steps: preparation and cleaning.
Step 1: Preparing the Can Opening
The coffee can you purchased probably has a plastic cover on the top and a metal cover protecting the coffee freshness. Remove the plastic lid and put it aside; you will use it later. You will also want to make sure that the can itself is intact with no indentations. Most cans will have ridges around the circumference of the can which are okay; you just want to make sure that it has not been dropped or mishandled. These indentations or dents can affect the efficiency of the can. The coffee can will be sealed in one of two ways. With many of the older coffee cans, you needed to open the can with a can opener and discard the removed lid. If this is the coffee can you have, make sure that you grind down or file the inside edge of the can so that it is smooth. If it’s a newer can, it will have a thick tin foil covering with a ring to pull the cover off. Simply
remove the cover and discard it.
Step 2: Cleaning the Can
While having coffee grounds in the antenna will not affect its operation much, it sure can make
a mess of things, so make sure that you clean the can out well. Also make sure that you clean
the opening of any foreign objects, such as glue, pieces of the original tin or tin foil cover. Where to Drill We will be using a copper wedge as the driven element or radiator. The location and length of this element is extremely important. Although we will not be going too deep into the math here, it’s important to understand where this driven element is to be installed. The rule of thumb is that the driven element should be at one quarter of the “closed-space wavelength” from the inside edge of the can when the connector is installed. The difficulty here is that the closed-space wavelength will vary based on can and radiator dimensions. On our can, with an inner diameter of 100 mm, this offset was slightly more than 1 inch or 27 mm. Once you have this measurement, it is time to prepare the hole in the can where the

N-Connector is to be installed.