Health Joke

You Might Have Estrogen Issues If . . . . . .

Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says "How's my driving-call 1-800-***-."

Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.

You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Hilarious Doctor Jokes

These are all GENUINE replies from patients asked why they needed an ambulance to and from hospital...

=> I am under the doctor and cannot breathe.
=> I can't walk to the bus stop and my wife is bent.
=> I can't breathe and haven't done so for many years.
=> I want transport as bus drivers do funny things to me and make me feel queer.
=> I am blind in one eye and my leg.
=> I live five miles from the hospital and the postman says I should have it.
=> I have got arthritis and heart failure in both feet and knees.
=> I must have a man as I cannot go out or do up my suspenders.
=> I cannot walk up a hill unless it is down and the hill to the hospital is up.
=> My husband is dead and will not bring me.
=> I cannot drive a car as I have not got one.
=> I hope you will send a man as my husband is quite useless.
=> I can come at any time to suit you, but not mornings as I don't feel too good. I can't come on Mondays or Wednesdays as the home help comes, and not on Fridays as the baker calls for his money. I can't come on Tuesdays as my sister calls.

Forbidden love JOKE

They were alone in the house. It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.
She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance. She wished he would take her in his arms, comfort her, protect her from the storm, she wanted that....
Then the power went out. She screamed. He raced to the sofa where she was cowering. He did not hesitate to pull her into his arms.
He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back. He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.
The storm raged on, as did their growing passion.... There came a moment when each knew they had to be together.
They knew it was wrong... their families would not understand ... but... so consumed in their passion, they didn't hear the door open... the click of the light switch ... the power was back on, and.............
CAUGHT..........

Be Careful - How You Handle Ethernet Cables

                                       

The RJ-45 modular connectors you find on 10/100Base-T Ethernet cables are potential static electricity problems. If you have one end plugged into a computer or switch, but the other end isn’t connected, that open end is a direct path for static electricity to the sensitive electronics at the other end. The cable jacket is always insulated, so it doesn’t drain away the static charge. However, if you pick up the cable and even brush against the exposed contacts, any built-up charge goes straight down the cable. We’ve seen many switch ports fail from just this sort of accident, so pay attention when you’re connecting and disconnecting Ethernets. We’re well aware that millions of people have opened their PCs, inserted or removed components, closed them up, and had nothing untoward happen (or, latent damage being what it is, nothing happen right then). Nevertheless, we’re not making this up, and we’re not alone in what we say. Consider the following:

1.) Intel advises its customers about ESD at www.intel.com/design/packtech/ch_06.pdf

(among others; search the Intel Web site for ESD).

2.) Gateway Computers warns about ESD and offers guidelines on how to prevent damage at

support.gateway.com/s/Mobile/SHARED/SoloESD.shtml.

3.) The United States Marine Corps Aviation Training Branch training on ESD is at www.tecom. usmc.mil/atb/MATMEP/MS%20Word%20Lesson%20guide%20PDF%20files/Lg13.pdf.

4.) NASA provides a general description of their ESD protection requirements at workmanshnasa.gov/lib/insp/2%20books/links/sections/11-01%20General%20Requirements

.html.

5.) www.esda.org/ is the web site of the Electrostatic Discharge Association (ESDA).

Cat and fish joke

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."